New Year’s Resolutions – A Cetacean Declaration for 2019
Another year has swam by, and with the 2019 year shining brightly before us, we all look forward to that day when we can sit down and scribble away at our future goals and resolutions. With pen in hand, and a blank paper before us, we dream of our future six packs, rock solid diets, and perfect manners. We get pumped up, and ready to show the world our dedication, resolving to get past February 1st when the gym starts to look like our least favorite chore.
Whale! We’re not the only ones under this big blue sky that jot down their hefty aspirations. The itch to do better, be better, and live better has tickled our most favorite sea friendly fellows, and as a special treat they’ve shared their list of New Year’s resolutions with us.
They have requested that in return for their sharing their delightful list of goals, we must swear on sailor’s honor, and make sure to not point fins if we spot them without their six packs by June.
All aboard? Sailor scouts honor?
Alrighty then. Let’s dive right in!
Cetacean Declaration 2019
Barbara, the Blue Whale – Overcome bacon bit addiction:
Hi guys! I’m Barbara. Barbara THE blue whale. My friends call me barb, but I prefer Queen B.
I’m not so big on making a list of all the things I need to improve upon. In fact, I prefer to focus on the superb qualities I possess, but seeing as I ate waaaaay too many krill cakes during this past Christmas break, I’ve decided that a few things need to be adjusted in my big blue life.
For example, my bacon bit addiction.
You may think that bacon is only gobbled up by humans, but could something really so tasty be only reserved for people with phalanges? I think not! My Tuesday cobb salad would be nothing without the delectable sprinkle of bite sized bacon bits atop my fresh sea greens. I love these babies so much that to say I “sprinkle” these pretty pork portions on my salad, would be an understatement, and most friends ask me if I’m going to add any salad to my bacon. Laugh all you want, the only thing not chuckling is my waistline. Which has led me to resolve in cutting back on the oh so yummy bacon bits.
2019 Cetacean Declaration Resolution: This Queen B will be eating more krill, and less bacon. So, if you spot me up top on one of your fancy fine whale watching cruises, please do not tempt me with your junior bacon cheeseburger. The struggle is real people, and it’s not nice to show off your bacon like that.
Gary, the Gray Whale – Dodge gnarly crab traps:
Greetings. I am Gary. Gary the gray whale. Please do not confuse me with my brother Bruce. We look quite similar, but the bejeweled barnacles atop my back are far snazzier, and the lovely lice atop my mottled skin are a bit friendlier.
What’s not friendly is the enormous amount of gunk left in our oceans, the place I call home. For a fella with lice, you may be wondering why I am complaining about gunk, when I swim around with a bit of it everyday, but I’m not touching on the mottled features of my gray whale self. I’m talking about the overwhelming amount of fishing gear we spot and dodge in the ocean during our daily lap swims.
Just several months ago, three days before my four-year anniversary to my sweetheart, Loraine, I popped into a gnarly crab trap, resting right outside my favorite jeweler’s shop. I wish I had seen it sooner, but before I knew it, I was tangled up, and having a hard time seeing out of my left eye due the trap’s large size and constricting wires. It wasn’t long until my efforts to shake off the ropes attached to this trap caused me to become more deeply nestled in its rough twine.
After several long minutes of rocking and rolling, (and not with my fav, Hendrix,) a small vessel carrying a few seafaring friends, including a familiar face, Captain Dave, came by carrying long tools in their paws. At first I was terrified, wondering if they were about to go Moby Dick whalers on me, but soon discovered that they were only there to help, as their long tools aimed for the ropes and wiring around my favorite barnacles. After what seemed like hours, I broke free and skedaddled away before that clingy crab trap compadre attempted to sport the snuggles again.
I finally arrived home, and decided to plop down in front of tube, hoping that it would calm my nerves from the intimate encounter I just had. I was sure that Ellen would be the one to sooth my traumatized soul, but unfortunately, her snazzy dance moves and clever jokes caused me to grow restless. I finally decided to open up my diary, and make myself a promise. A promise that I would try a little better to never run into one of those crab traps again. Thank goodness for the first of the year, when I have a solid reason to stay true to that promise, and pronounce my cetacean declaration resolution for 2019: to keep my eyes out for them gnarly, not so fun, traps and gear. Of course, a set of nice toned flippers is in the works, and I’m working extra hard on paying off my car debt by September, but my dodging skills are at the top of my Cetacean Declaration. Hopefully next year you’ll catch me here again, but not in one of those crab traps or gill nets. Be good to the ocean my land lovin’ friends, and Happy New Year!
Bruno, the Humpback Whale – Make it into the school choir:
Hola Amigo’s! I am Bruno. Bruno the humpback whale. After spending some solid time today showing off my playful antics, and fancy flukes, I’m stoked to be able to chill out a bit and share my number one news years’ resolution with you.
2019 Cetacean Declaration Resolution: Make the school choir.
You may think that I’m only famous for my handsome pectoral flippers, and knobbly head, but did you know that I enjoy singing a good tune here and again? Not only do I give Ms. Mariah a run for her perfect pitch melody, but I’ve recently been looking into the choir scene. Yep! Robe me up, and paint me soprano, I’m ready to carol!
Oh, so you think a big ol’ whale with a spotted tail can’t prime the pipes? You got another thing comin’. In fact, I’m not the only deep sea Señor who knows how to jam it up. You know all about how the newt plays the flute, the carp plays the harp, the plaice plays the bass, and they soundin’ sharp. The bass play the brass, the chub plays the tub, the fluke is the duke of soul! The ray he can play, the lings on the strings, the trout rockin’ out, the blackfish she sings, the smelt and the sprat, they know where it’s at, and oh that blow fish blooooow.
Now, if that underwater glee club doesn’t get your tail fluke tappin’, I don’t know what does. I’m so determined to join this deep sea “coral” group by May, that I’ve basically converted all my neighbors to earplugs, and have given the humparentals more of a reason to get me out of their sand castle basement. It’ll take time, and I’ve got quite the competition here in the deep blue, but Bruno won’t be going belly up on this resolution, and has only come to party…falsetto style!
Sandy, the Sea Turtle – Go with the flow, ride with the current:
Hi there! My name is Sandy. Sandy the swanky sea turtle. I dwell in the underwater world of cetaceans, crabs, and cuttlefish, making my way across the deep blue. Throughout my journeys I encounter everything from shark attacks, oil spills, dolphin stampedes, and Carnival cruises. With so much going on, one might wonder how a cute little turtle keeps her cool? Well, it’s not always easy, and it’s sure not a crab cake walk down here either. From accidental catches from human folks, entanglement in marine debris, vessel collisions, and damages and changes to habitats, a Testudines’ gotta play it tough in here! In fact, some days are quite a hurdle for this cute little turtle.
With not too many friends to keep me company, and many, many miles to trek, I tend to get a little anxious, and sometimes a little blue. Which leads me to my number one Cetacean Declaration Resolution for 2019: Go with the flow and ride with the current.
I’ll be sporting up this aspiration by implementing some deep-sea meditation, sea foam bubble baths, and chakrasana poses at my local coral reef studio. Not only will these practices play well into my flow riding resolution, but I’ve been told they’ll do wonders for my mature age of 80.
With wrinkles, cellulite, cataracts, and lower shell pain, one’s gotta learn how to relax, and take it easy down here. Here’s to a new year, and a new yogi me!
Cindy and Carl, the Common Dolphins – Keep the love life flame aburnin’:
Hi! I am Cindy! And hey, I am Carl! We are your cutesy cool cetaceans, cruising the open ocean. With Christmas carols behind us, and thanksgiving turkey leftovers far gone, we are looking forward to this amazing new year! We’ve embraced this resolution season, and decided to sport it up together.
2019 Cetacean Declaration Resolution: A romantic date night every weekend. Yep! Every weekend. You may be wondering why we’ve chosen to pop this on the list, but humans aren’t the only ones striving to keep the love life spark alive. With a pod of mouths to feed, overtime in the office, and yard work to be had, a couple common dolphins can find it challenging to make time for one another.
How will we go about doing this? In addition to a little Friday night flirting with some flipper holding, we’ve decided to join a local west coast swing class. There’s nothing like suiting up in some stilettos, and frolicking away with the boo! Thank goodness for the first of the year when we can resolve to do something such as this. Here’s to keeping the love life flame aburnin’!